This is a rhesus macaque monkey. But you probably recognize this little guy as the Ikea Monkey.
Clad in a dapper shearling coat and diaper ensemble, the poor lil’ fella managed to escape his crate and unlock the car he was left in (obviously, in an Ikea parking lot in Toronto.)
First of all … I may be able to understand why someone would choose to have an illegal pet monkey. After all, if Ross Geller can have a monkey, why can’t they? Valid argument.
… but here’s what boggles my mind: Why in the WORLD would they leave the furry bugger in the car, locked up? To go shop at IKEA?! It is a) not humanly possible to shop at that store quickly and b) not necessary to bring Darwin along only to leave him stranded in a cold vehicle. (Yep. Darwin. That’s his name.) But you know what, maybe I’m too quick to judge. Maybe the owner was simply making a pit stop on their way to get their holiday photos taken with Darwin at the nearby Petsmart.
Unfortunately, the owner sucks. And now poor Darwin is in “the system.” You know the one. Who’s going to buy him dapper attire now?!
Lessons on Not Sucking:
- Don’t own a pet that you’re incapable of taking proper care of — whether such pet be a monkey, dog, cat, bunny, snail, etc. Don’t even think about it.
- Illegal or not, animals are innocent and precious. Treat them as such.
- If you see anybody mistreating and/or abusing an animal of ANY kind, do the right thing and report it to the proper authorities:
- Call your local SPCA or Humane Society, or
- Call your provincial SPCA, or
- Call the police
- If you see an animal in urgent need of emergency care, please find the best vet or animal hospital that could care for that animal.
If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.
We sat down for an exclusive interview with the ever-frowning Tard the Grumpy Cat, in which she discussed smelly taxi cabs, being on the Today Show, and Starbucks coffee cake.
It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing—they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.
Look At These Babies Laughing At Dogs of the Day: This oughta snap you right out of that sh*tty mood you’ve been fighting.